My reason for wanting a natural birth began long before I became pregnant with Kingston.
It actually began when I had Isaiah.
I had a long, hard pregnancy with a lot of preterm labor,
and finally went into the hospital three and a half weeks early and had him.
The labor was 27 hours.
Flat on my back.
With IV's, epidurals, you know... the whole shebang.
AND
right after I had him they rushed him away.
'Complications'
from the epidural.
He wasn't breathing well enough on his own.
I felt completely out of control.
I didn't feel like I had done any of the work.
(I mean... really... I was totally numb. I didn't feel a thing. not. one. thing)
at least not during the birth-
But the heartache after when they wouldn't give me my baby--
I FELT THAT.
They took him away.
I couldn't hold him
nurse him
or snuggle him
until he was a week old.
The hospital I had him in waited WAY too long to transfer him to a hospital with the proper care that he needed, and that led to a 10 day stay in the NICU.
It was AWFUL.
I was ANGRY.
I felt like I had done this to my baby, and was therefore a HORRIBLE mother.
(why couldn't my body just keep him in for 3 more weeks?... )
I felt like a FAILURE.
I HATED IT.
I decided then that my next baby would not go through the same awful experience my sweet Isaiah did.
I would be in control of my body
and therefore my baby.
