April 15, 2012

It's 11 o'clock in the p.m. ... and they're breakdancing.

No joke.
Beanies on, handstands, and 
'if you like it then you should'a put a ring on it' 
make for a perfect end to the sabbath.

*Shout out to Grandma Healey and Grandma Durfey for the incredibly high sugar intake today while visiting. Next time- they're sleeping at your house. Much love. muah. 

April 3, 2012

A letter from mommy on your first birthday

My Dear Sweet Sassy and Most Precious Pearl,
It's been a year.
One whole year since you came into my world and changed it forever. It happened so quickly, and yet I feel that i've known your darling spirit forever.
We are kindred spirits, and I knew that the moment I learned you were coming to our family.
I remember reclining comfortably on the exam table,
feeling the cool jelly on my tummy,
anxiously awaiting to hear the gender of this little life inside me. The next words I heard were...
'see that right there?'
to be honest I didn't see what he was talking about, but since I had heard that twice before,
I knew if he saw something, it probably meant you were a little man. I went home.. excited of course for a yummy new baby,
but a little heavy in spirit as my heart needed you.
Fast forward one month, and 89 contractions later.
another ultrasound.
'Well... your chart says you are having a boy,
but this is most definitely a girl.'

I shot straight up.
'Are you sure?'
i nearly begged.
And life has never been the same.
You have taught me a whole new kind of love.
A tender love that I didn't know before you.
I love your brothers-
-ooooh do I love those little stinkers-
but you...
sweet Pearl,
your delicate yet valiant spirit is teaching me daily of a higher love.
And I say we are kindred spirits because I KNOW that we chose each other in the life before.
Sometimes I feel that you should have come first,
and been the one to instruct and teach me,
as i learn so much from you every day.
You're teaching me forgiveness. Instant forgiveness.
That laughing, singing, and dancing really do cure most anything.
To laugh at myself.
That it's okay to fall, as long as I get back up.
That crying gets you most ANYTHING you want from daddy.
That true femininity is a beautiful thing to behold...
you already have a little strut when you walk.
hand in air and hips tossing back and forth--
it is beyond darling.
and of course that pure Christ like love.
You are teaching our family the true meaning of charity.

Your little personality is unmatchable.
You are a dynamite of sweetness.
An angel- not to be reckoned with.
A fountain of sass.
Sweet adorable sass.
You know what you want, and you know how to get it.
I hope that never changes in you.
I hope you always follow your dreams, no matter the obstacle.
and ALWAYS dream big.
You will change the world my darling.
I know it.
I selfishly wish I could bottle you up right now and keep you as my little sidekick forever.
You are at such adorable stage,
but then i'm sure i'll think that at every stage,
as you prepare for baptism,
your first date,
and the day you are married.
it hurts to think about.
I will do my best to let you grow and learn the things that you need to on your own,
but promise me you'll always keep me close?
Resist the urge of pushing me away when I'm still wearing that
'so last season'
Or when I still kiss you goodbye when you're 16.
or come to hold you as you sleep the days before you leave for college. promise?

Pearly Sue, You are definitely a girl after my own heart.
You are happiest with food, make up, shoes, and babies.
You love to clean.
You love to sing.
You LOVE to dance.
You even love shopping...
or maybe you just love being with mommy
...either way is fine with me.
You LOVE playing dress up in mommy's shoes and jewelry.
and we are most alike in that you absolutely ADORE your daddy.
I mean truly, we are a match made in heaven.

I know that right now you are beginning to lose the precious memories of that Heavenly home that you knew before coming to us.
I know that He misses you,
but I know He watches over you.
Miss Pearl,
I promise that if you will live your life in a way that I will do my best to teach you,
you will ALWAYS feel of His love and presence around you.
He will guide your steps. He will carry you when you're tired.
He will never be further away than a prayer, and He does answer prayers.
You, darling are evidence of that.
I hope you will always delight in talking to your Heavenly Father.
I hope you always have the light and thirst for knowledge that you do now.
You LOVE to learn, and I love watching your your eyes light up with curiosity for the world around you.
Some things to remember:
1. You are a child of Deity.
A princess.
You have a father that is a Heavenly King and
He loves you.
2. Read the Book of Mormon DAILY.
There is power in that book and you will become untouchable to the adversary by reading it.
3. Motherhood is the highest and most noble calling you will have in this life.
and you will be a GREAT little mommy.
4. I am not perfect...
(i know you're thinking, 'really mom... you're just realizing this?')
and we may have our differences
but I will ALWAYS love you.

5. You're brothers may be stinky, wild, rambunctious, and sometimes naughty.
they adore you.
They will be, next to your daddy and I,
your strongest advocate,
fiercest protectors,
and closest friends.

and last but definitely not least

6. You are beautiful.
and although I am majorly biased,
I KNOW this is true because I can hardly leave the house without being bombarded by people telling me so.
always make your inner beauty as striking as your outer.
I know you will.

I love you sugar baby-
with every heartbeat,


October 10, 2011


October 5, 2011


Did you enjoy General Conference?
I did.
I was again made aware how much my Heavenly Father loves me.
I was touched by the spirit and my testimony was reaffirmed.
in particular was music to my ears.
Pearl is a pretty lucky little lady to have a daddy that adores her the way he does.
I know she will always know and feel of his love.
I am SO thankful that my boys have him as a guide.
He loves me, and I know it.
With him by my side-
Life is and always will be beautiful.

September 29, 2011

Why i'n talkin' so loud?

Can I just tell you you much I love this kid?
Well.. No I can't because I don't know any words that can sufficiently describe.
My first born
My daredevil
My love.
Have you ever met him? if not you're missing out.
The kid is funny.
I mean funny-
He keeps me laughing.
(ie- The other day I was at my wit's end... I gave him 'the look' and said,
'Zay- One more sound...!'
he said,
'MOM, why you not bein' nice to me... don't you know I LOVE you!'
He also keeps me on my toes.

Poor lil' guy has had croup/ear infections more times than I can count-
and we recently learned why he is ALWAYS yelling.
He has so much fluid in his ears that it's caused him to have only 50% hearing.
Poor kid.
no wonder...
it actually explained a lot.
So our Dr. decided getting tubes put in and adenoid removed would be a good choice.
We obliged.
ANYTHING to help us stay out of the ER in the middle of the night with a barking child.
He was amazing.
The nurse said
'usually the child is a little upset when we take them back.. so be prepared.'
Not my Zaya.
ALWAYS up for an adventure.
He marched through those doors with a smile as big as Texas and never looked back.
On the ride home he was practically whispering, (which was a first)
and he said,
'mom... why i'n talkin' so loud?'
He can finally hear his own voice.
Kind of broke my heart.
Here's to hoping the problem is fixed.
My heart bursts with pride over this little chap.
I love him.

This is a clip of him on his first ride by himself.
On a motorcycle.
He's 3.
Yes 3.
Don't ask. or I might yell at you too. (ahem... Seth)
p.s. I sound like a man in this video. Darn cold... please ignore.

September 23, 2011

Pearl's Birth Story in Words

Pearl Suann-
My sweet daughter.
This is the story of your birth, and the details leading up to it.
My precious Pearl
I want you to know how much I love you; how much I adore you.
I remembered hearing that a mother's love for her daughter was different than any other love,
but didn't understand til' the moment I laid eyes on you.
And then I did.
And it was.
You are a dream, little one.
You have an enormous spirit in that tiny little body with SO much potential.
Our Heavenly Father is SO proud of you,
as am I.
Your beauty radiates from the inside out.
There is nothing lacking when it comes to your beauty.

You have completely stolen my heart-
(not to mention my might, mind, AND STRENGTH (you're a great match for my stubbornness...which I didn't know was possible!)
and let's be real...
the english language is woefully inadequate to describe what you've done to that daddy man of yours.
He is completely enthralled by you.
I never thought I could see him look at another soul the way he looks at me
and then you were born.

The weeks leading up to your birth were difficult.
I was put on bed rest at 33 wks to hopefully keep you in for a bit longer.
Fortunately, we have some wonderful friends and family that stepped in and took over.
I mean took. over.-
from housework, to babysitting, to meals.
It was taken care of.
and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Really, one of the greatest reasons you were able to stay in that comfy womb of mine as long as you did was because of one person.
You have the privilege of carrying her name.
Grandma Susie.
If there is one person I would like you to pattern your life after-
it is her.
It is a precious name.
and it is a big name to live up to-
and that's why we've given it to you.
I knew from the moment I felt that first kick that shook the bed (literally)
that you were a mighty woman, a powerful woman, a woman with a heart of gold.
Just like your grandma.

The morning of your birth was a beautiful one.
It was about 2 wks before my given due date.
Daddy and I had already picked the day we wanted to have you-
(My body was ready to have you at 30 wks- hence the bed rest)
It was a Friday.
Daddy had taken the day off and the bags were packed.
The sun was shining and the smell of cleaning products permeated the house.
It was a good day for having a baby.

I woke up and started moving- for the first time in a month and a half really.
It was divine.
We went for a walk
and then Daddy told me he had arranged for me to have a massage at 11:00.
(I know, right?)
he's pretty great- that daddy man of yours.
at this time the contractions were already about 3 mins apart.
I left for my massage and told daddy to be ready in exactly one hour-
if not before.
Half way through the massage I called and told daddy to be ready to head to the hospital
and that I didn't think I had time to finish the massage.
We took your sweet brothers
(who, may I add- ADORE YOU)
to aunt Heather and uncle Joe's house.
Kingston was so sad... Isaiah on the other hand, didn't even realize we had left.

We arrived at the hospital around 2:00 in the pm.
they checked me in and said I was definitely in labor, at a 5+, and immediately started me on the antibiotic
(I was strep B positive... no bueno)
This was difficult.
I had to have 2 doses
and wasn't able to move as freely as I would have liked through the contractions because of it.
I had to sit for about 3 hours to get the full dose-
I wasn't in too much pain at this point.
just uncomfortable.
Once the antibiotic was in and they gave me the go-ahead to try to move the labor along,
I got up and started walking the halls.
It was about 5:30 at this point and I was at a 6.
Daddy left to get food for mommy
(...which was a no no- according to the nurses- but our awesome midwife, claudia, told us that 'what she didn't see didn't hurt'... we love her.)

He came back with a wendy's chicken sandwich, fries, frosty, AND a diet coke to boot.
The phrase 'Fat and happy' had never been more fitting.
We ate and made merry.
at this point the contractions were practically on top of each other,
but not unbearable.
Claudia checked me and I was a 7.
I asked her to break my water.
I remember her saying they were surprised at the amount of fluid I had
... which could have contributed to the pre-term labor because of the pressure on my short frame.

The contraction right after they broke my water was...
well, weird.
I remember feeling like a bowling ball had just crashed on to my pelvic bone.
I let out a little squeal-
the nurse felt the need to inform me that,
'this is what a contraction feels like without the water bag cushion, honey'.
(thank you, shirlock!)
...she wasn't my favorite nurse...

I told daddy I wanted to move to the bath tub.
This was heavenly.
It's amazing what the warm water does for an achy body.
(Daddy thinks it hilarious how you love your baths... he's sure it's because I indulged daily in bath time while carrying you.)
After about a half an hour in the tub I told daddy I needed to go to the bathroom...
little did I know that this phrase was key for,
'I'm having a baby right now!'
Claudia practically jumped in the bath to check me.
still a 7.
really just needed to go.



So I did my 'bidness'-
and as I stood up I felt your head break through.
I went from a 7 to a 10 just like that.
I told daddy to go get the anesthesiologist.
Daddy looked at Claudia.
Claudia laughed.

'Miss Jenna, we're having a baby-
NOW!' she said.
Daddy carried me to the bed.
I couldn't make myself lie down-
so I knelt on the bed and clung to the back of it.
I had a few contractions and within seconds-
You made your sweet entrance in to this world.
Daddy delivered you.
It was so peaceful.
I remember hearing your first perfect little cry.
The emotions that overcame me are something I don't know that I could even describe if I tried.
It was beautiful.
It was romantic.
It was perfect.

I was able to hold you to my body and love you.
And love you I did.
For a long, long, time.
The nurses kept asking if they could take you to clean you off
but I couldn't make myself take my eyes off your perfect, beautiful little body.
You are a dream come true for me little girl.
You Epitomize everything good in this world.
I love you more than life itself and hope you ALWAYS know that.
I'm sure we will have our differences-
When you're like, a teenager and like, know everything...
and your mother is the farthest thing from cool.
but I promise to always be here for you.
No matter what.
I will be here.

forever and for always-
with every heartbeat.
I love you pearly sue.


Lies, lies, lies.
I know.
But I'm here...
trying again.
Isn't that what life's about?
Trying again?
Here's to new beginnings!

-here's the problem-
I've missed SO much that I don't know how, or where to re-begin.
There are SO many important things that are TOTALY post worthy
(ie- Pearl's Birth, Pearl's Blessing, Isaiah's 3rd Birthday, King's 2nd Birthday, Jake's mission call,
Jake leaving on his mission... and more)
And now I don't know what to do.
Do I go back and start over and then never catch up?...
or just go from here.
Like, for instance-
(LIKE, FOR INSTANCE??? what am I- 10?)

My Cougs actually won their game today-
That DEFINITELY deserves a post after last weeks slaughter
So maybe that's all this one will be.
Here's a shout out for my COUGS!
At the beginning of the Holy War I said I bled blue.
at the end I called myself silly;
we all know you can't bleed blue.
Oh tonight.
I'll settle for bleeding purple.

September 8, 2011

just a promise

i know....
you're as shocked as the little one that i'm actually posting.
and really i'm not.
i'm just posting to post that I'm going to post.
did you get that?
not sure i did.
i regress.
this week
once a week.
from. here. on. out.
i fear i'm missing out on too much not to.
Will somebody please hold me to this?

March 10, 2011

Precious Pearl

She's here!
(and has been for a month...)

I know it's a little ridiculous that I'm just now welcoming her on the blog-
but really
I've just been too busy loving this little angel in real life.
I'm sure you all know how I adore my little men,
and if you don't, trust me- I do.
but the love a mother has for her daughter is different,
It's a marvelous, miraculous kind of love.
and she is teaching me all about it.
She's a little piece of heaven here on earth-
everything and more that I have ever dreamed of in a baby girl.
I think my heart grew ten times the moment I laid eyes on her.
We couldn't be more in love.
(birth story and more pictures soon to come)

January 31, 2011


You know that country song

If not, you should go take a listen.
I heard it today
and i might have totally burst into tears
and this one I'm not even blaming on pregnancy.
it was legit.
You know the cry that comes from deep inside that's been building for a while...
and when it comes out you're embarrassed that such a sound is coming from you?
it was that kind.

(i'm not typically the country listnen' kind
...but today it was more fitting than this,
you know you've got beiber fever, don't lie.)
(ps... last week, before bed rest set in, Zay, King, Pearl, and I had a rockin' dance party in the kitchen to that little number. It was rad.)

back to the issue(s) at hand.
Last week was a real doozie.
Here's the run down.

To preface:
Seth started his new position at Merrill Lynch full time
which meant big change in hours.
I was put on bed rest till this little loverly is born
(hoping to avoid any NICU time, she'd be fine if she were born now but I would really prefer to avoid the NICU if at all possible,
hence, bed rest and lot's of shots.)
Zay has a really bad cavity that's been keeping him up at night.
(curse those sippy cups)

Sat night zay baby came to our bed breathing really heavily,and coughing, which sounded more like a dog barking,
'mom, i'n choking, can't breave'

So, between the cavity and now croup the poor little guy was miserable.

Poor baby is teething.
I mean- bad.
He had 6 molars come in at the same time.
same night.
Fever 102.
also miserable.
and then the next morning he started coughing too.

So Seth-
(he's amazing BTW... just in case you didn't know)
took Zay in and they gave him a steroid to help the croup,
and told us to give it to him for 2 nights,
but no more than 4.
We gave it to him for 4 nights and he was still not better.
Rewind now to monday morning.
Zay had a dentist apt at 7 am.
Seth had work so
My mom-
(AKA my saving angel)
came at 6 am monday morning to take Zay to get his tooth fixed.
They sent him home without fixing it cause he was too sick.
can we catch a break?

The next day was scary.

Zay was lethargic.
non responsive
wouldn't eat,
or even drink
and held his tooth constantly.
with a fever of 103.
(and yes dode was still fevering and coughing.)

My mom held down the fort til' Seth came home and he took them both to the pediatrician to see what was happening.

Zay's had turned into pneumonia,
Dode had RSV.
they both had ear infectionS.
(that's enough to make you feel like the world's worst mother)
I was stuck at home in bed.

Dr. said the tooth was probably causing most of Zay's pain.
So Seth went to the Dentist right after.
It was REALLY infected.
They pulled his tooth.
he's two people-
Numbed him up,
and ripped it out.

Poor Kid.
the second the tooth was out he started feeling better.
SO the boys are on the mend.

the car broke down.
You know,
the one that will actually fit our whole family?
that one.

It's been a lot to take in.
(told you the tears i was talking about that might be falling again right now were/are legit.)

I hate sitting here feeling SO helpless while all of this is happening.
I couldn't be there with my babies when they were so sick and it hurt.
For those that know me,
you know I'm not the kind that likes to sit and watch other people care for my kids and clean my house.
It sucks.
I am SOO thankful for the help.
I don't know what I would have done with out all of the wonderful people that have made this last week and the next couple
my grandma(s)
levi (little bro in law missed school for a day to come help)
ward members
and last,
most importantly-
my mom.
She's my hero.
She lives to make others' lives easier.
especially mine.
She's my best friend.
I would die without her.

It's funny how weeks like this make you turn inward, and upward.
You find out what you're made of.
and then realize it's all part of the plan.
All part of this wonderful little thing called life.
I'm so thankful to know that someone above is in control.
He's there.
I know it with every breath I take.
He loves me, and he loves my babies.
He makes it all okay
even if some days I wonder.

It is.
I know it.
it's all going to be okay.

Times like this make me realize how far out of my league i've married.
He's my rock.
I love him.
More than anything.

Our Angel Baby