February 1, 2009

{He can('t) survive without me}

Okay Mommies... Am i the only one that has experienced this? Since the day Isaiah was born I have probably left him a total of 5 times. (except leaving him with daddy) Seriously. Ridiculous? maybe... but i don't care.
 {and when i have left him it was with my mom, and mom-in-law, that's it.} 
I have serious anxiety if i cannot see him, and touch him, and kiss him AT ALL TIMES. again... ridiculous?? oh well.  
However, I knew that the day would come that I would have to face my fears and let him out of my sight, heart wrenching or not. 
{okay, maybe i am beginning to see that this is all a little tiny bit ridiculous. but i still don't care}
 Yesterday I was asked to judge a ballroom competition in Ogden, I thought Seth was not working so I agreed to do it. Turns out he did have to work and neither of our mom's could watch him... I was in a PICKLE!  I nearly called and told them that i couldn't do it... but with the loving support and gentle shove from my hubby he encouraged me to go.
 So Aunt Katie offered to watch him. 
NOW- HEAR THIS. I knew if there was anyone in the world I was going to leave him with it would be katie. She is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle, fun person in the whole wide world. And Isaiah loves her, BUT I was being me, you know- { What if he just misses me too much! what if he is trying to tell her he needs his dog and she doesn't understand, or what if he starts crying and won't stop, or what if he gets a cut, or if he falls, or if he bumps his head or, or, or... ETC.} 
Again my husband calmed my fears, I stopped crying, and off he went. 

For the first hour i called and text Katie at least 5 times. IS HE OKAY??? And each response was the same. He's doing Great! He's doing fine! He's happy as can be!.... 
So i was able to relax long enough to focus on judging and complete the competition. 
{which is a post for another day, It so SOOO fun} 

So on the way home I had imagined in my head that he was just sad and missing mommy all day and that he would be soooo happy to see me, and this is what would happen when I got there. He would jump in my arms, and throw his arms around my neck and kiss me and love me and never let me go!!! 
Here's what really happened.
 I got to the door, knocked, and there was Katie with Isaiah on her hip, WITH A HUGE SMILE! he gave me a quick hug and turned back to katie. 
And then...
He jumped in her arms, threw his arms around her neck, kissed her and loved her and never wanted to let her go! 

*So the moral of the my story is this. 
Isaiah had a great time without me, he didn't even miss me, was actually probably happy to get away from mommy for a while, and had a fabulous day with Aunt Katie. 
Apparently, Isaiah was never the one that was afraid of me leaving him. 
I was the one with what i called the,  'i'm his mommy, he can't survive without me' complex. 
When in reality It was the, 'i'm his mommy I can't survive with out HIM' complex. 
And it's true I couldn't survive without him... But he was in great hands. 

And Isaiah- I love you with every heart beat. 
Love mommy. 

Our Angel Baby