I've had a lot of questions since we announced that we are pregnant and have finally decided to openly and honestly answer them. As you can see by the little pregnant silhouette next to this I am almost 10 weeks. And man has it been a LONG 10 weeks. Nausea and I have become very well acquainted. And although I don't love this visitor I am happily accepting this as part of the process.
For those of you who don't know...
We haven't had an easy go with pregnancy. I have never openly talked about this on our blog, but I am experiencing a lot of emotions and figure this will be a good way for me to sort through all of them.
3 weeks after Seth and I were married we found out that we were pregnant. We were ecstatic! I have never believed in birth control so we decided when we got married that we would exercise a lot of faith and leave it to the Lord to determine the timing and size of our family.
I carried that baby to 14 weeks.
We went for a check up, and the Dr. {who was an inconsiderate imbecile} couldn't find a heartbeat, but played it off like it was nothing and told us to come back the following week. I hysterically insisted on an ultrasound and he finally agreed. The tech put the jelly on my stomach, and then put the wand on me and said,
"So... we know that baby is gone but what did the Dr. want us to look for?"
as he checked my charts.
And that was that.
We had lost our first baby.
For some reason my body didn't want to let the baby go on it's own {the mind can do amazing things} so the Dr gave me medication to help me release the baby.
This "Dr." then prescribed a medication that was not FDA approved and told me to take 12 of them. I later learned after being in full out labor for 3 days, and bleeding to the point that they feared for my life, {no joke} that one, ONE, of those pills would have cleaned out a 300 pound woman. You can imagine what 12 of them did to my then, 105 pound frail body.
{The Dr. was Dr. Scott Peterson in orem by the way so you will all know who not to go to.}
It took time, but eventually I recovered.. physically.
I don't know that you ever fully recover mentally.
Two short months later we found out we were pregnant again- we were again ecstatic, but understandably frightened. That pregnancy lasted a short 8 weeks.
This being our first 6-8 months of marriage I saw immediately what an amazing man I married. He never left my side, and though he was hurting as well he cared for my every need and always made sure that he had done everything in his power to fix his broken wife. I knew when I married him that he was amazing, but I never would have know how amazing had this not all happened.
Our third pregnancy was a miracle. At 3 weeks I started bleeding. I knew what that meant but prayed extra hard and practiced faith that the Lord would take care of my babies.
A month later I was still feeling pregnant. I took another pregnancy test and although I had miscarried a month earlier was miraculously pregnant again, or still pregnant. With a lot of help from some amazing Dr.'s I was able to keep my sweet Isaiah. At the Delivery we learned that Isaiah had a twin. I had lost his twin, but miraculously kept him.
Pregnancy is a miracle.
These are a few of the things I have learned from all of this.
I have learned that the Lord works in mysterious ways.
I have learned not to take pregnancy for granted.
I have learned that these babies are truly gifts from God.
I have learned to cling to my husband.
I have learned that life is fragile.
and I have learned to pray. Truly pray.
I know that my children are in the Lord's hands, and for that I am so grateful.
I know that he loves me.
I know that He is the only one that could love or want these babies more than I do.
I know He hears us.
*Please keep my baby in your prayers*
*Also, just so you all know, thus far in the pregnancy everything is looking great. The baby is healthy, my levels are high, and we have every reason to be hopeful. This post just came on a particularly emotional day.
